Questions...

Intellectually, I sometimes understand that everyhting is just passing. EVERYthing is arising and passing very slowly or with great rapidity and we are relatively insignificant outiside of our own necessary and real existence. Like one raindrop, it is insignificant in the midst of a storm, but each drop is still entirely neceessary for the storm to occur at all and the water cycle to continue. It is just the scale at which you look at things- or the "lense" you look through. There is a kind of cold, harsh, callous, but honest reality with this lense- yet still completely accurate. Although I may comprehend this at some level, I certainly don't feel "awake" to this knowledge in each moment. Like Thoreau says, "I have never yet met someone who is truly awake. How could I have looked him in the face?"
I can sense that a deeper understanding of reality is possible, yet I am so often attched or distracted by sensual pleasures or other... stuff... the shit that media and culture tells us to value... so much so that I don't actually experience the world through this lense of deeper understanding. Sometimes I can use the excuse that it is easier/simpler/more comfortable/familiar to maintain these old habits of distraction and playing games with my emotions/sensations. But they are only excuses, because ultimately, these are surface remedies and there remains a deeper desire for comprehension of the world/reality at the experiential level. To know each moment that everything is arising and passing away- and that everything is going to be ok- that I am just a single part of somethig larger- and simply by being whatever I am, I am doing my part- there is no need to fret or stress- everything is as it should be- and the idea that things "should" be any certain way is merely human perception. Can we stop giving so much value to humans? It's all about humans, humans, HUMANS! The true intelligence and evolution begins when one realizes that humans are a single part of a larger system. Our very existence impacts/is the larger system. But this something larger does not necessarily have to include us, either. Currently, it does, but at some point in the past it didn't include humans and at some point in the future it may not. Why is there fear surrounding our non-existence? What would life be like if I was not afraid to not exist? I can't know now, because I cling to my life and standards of success so dearly. One day, I will no longer exist. "Exist" in a way I can know/comprehend, at least. The energy from my body will not be lost, it will simply be part of something else. But "I", this body, this mind, will no longer be. Am I afraid of this? Why? Why be afraid of something I know will happen to me?
The truth that I speak of renounces most of the things I have built my social life around/upon/ It requires no turning back, no looking back. Once that corner of the vail (Thoreau) has been lifted and it has been seen/tasted in the slightest- there is no dropping the vail or forgetting what was seen. It demands I surrender my ignorance. But isn't ignorance bliss? LIES! It is simple and deceptive-what bliss is this? I hope to truly know reality as it is, whatever it may be.