New Year

As we change into a new year, I have the opportunity to reflect and learn on the past year and also to look forward and find hope in the coming year. I find it strange that New Years Day is significant only because of the way we have decided to arrange our calendar, yet it inspires so much reflection/perspective for myself- and others based on all this talk of "new year's resolutions." Heck, any day can be the day we set a new goal for ourselves or change our lives- the passing of the imaginary digits we call "years" is just a convenient excuse...

I spent most of this last year working for the California Conservation Corp Backcountry Trails Program. Those 5 months were surely the most physically, emotionally, and spiritually demanding of my life- and I am grateful I had the opportunity to participate in and complete the season. I learned so much about what it means to be part of a community, to physically push myself to work harder everyday, and ultimately, about who I am and how I relate to the world around me. I continue to discover lessons I learned this summer that will be with me for the rest of my life.

I feel blessed that when I wasn't traveling, I could spend time with my grandparents. Their insight and perspective on life is invaluable and I cherish the jewels of wisdom they have shared with me. Whether it is playing games, working on a jigsaw puzzle, running errands, playing guitar, eating a meal, or just allowing myself to slow down and enjoy their presence, I am forever grateful for each moment we had together. I very much look forward to the next time I see them.

I also feel much appreciation for the love of my parents this last year. From the support they gave me when the CCC program was in limbo to the encouragement to travel and be true to myself- I cannot say thank you enough!

Just as important as recognizing, reflecting on, and learning from the past, is the hope for the opportunities that the future holds. As I begin the year living on the kindness and generosity of others, I surrneder myself to the realization that everything will work itself out- even if it is not exactly what I expected or planned. The wonder of traveling is that I am putting myself in situations that require me to be open and flexible becaus eI don't know exactly how things are going to end up. It is the in-your-face way or learning to live- because no one ever knows exactly how things are going to end up... So as I enter this new calendar year, and as I wake up each and every and any morning, may I be open to whatever the day may hold.

I want to try a different outlook on life- To expect nothing and take each moment as a blessing. Heaven is right here in front of us for us to enjoy- it is up to us to find the couarge to open ourselves to it and let its light shine through us to others. I beleive the wonder of life is our ability to make it what we want it to be. I recognize the privelidge I have to chose to travel or go to school or eat enough food, but the essential fact remains- we all have choice in how we respond in any situation. Our ability to respond may be limited to the midset with which we live in the world, but that is a powerful choice.

Making the decision to live with a new mindset is difficult. It forces us to evaluate our entire lives and confront the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves. I often wonder why I see people do things that make them miserable? Why do we continually run back to habits that don't help us? Why do we cling onto these habits that harm us? How do we let go of these attachments? What would it mean to let go? What are we afraid of? What am I afraid of?